This is not an easy topic for me to talk about, but I think that it is necessary. My journey, although unique in some ways, is something that many go through each year. Personally, my story starts out in middle school where my anxiety waxed and waned throughout the years leading up to college. I always knew in the back of my mind that something was wrong, but I couldn't quite put words to it. It seemed impossible to me that what was going on in my mind could lead me to have such severe physical symptoms.
In the summer leading up to my sophomore year of college, I decided to take Organic Chemistry 1 & 2 as well and Chemistry Lab and work thirty hours a week to top it off. When I wasn't studying, I was writing a lab report. When I wasn't writing a lab report, I was working. When I wasn't working, I was spending my time criticizing my own abilities, and it wasn't long before I saw a rapid deterioration in my mental health.
When my first chemistry test came around, it became difficult for me to eat. I noticed it took me longer to fall asleep. I became fixated on perfection and wanted nothing less, and it became increasingly difficult for me to function. However, a few days after that test, I seemed to bounce back to my usual self. I was able to eat and sleep. I was able to keep my head down and focus on my studies.
Unfortunately, as the semester progressed, I didn't remain as lucky. After my final exams for the first session of summer classes, I stopped bouncing back. It felt like the panic alarm that had been triggered time and time again could no longer be switched off. One night, I lay in my bed trying to sleep, but my heart was pounding in my ears. My throat was tight. Intrusive thoughts jostled around in my mind. I slid out of bed and tried to walk it off. I made my way to the emergency stairwell of my dorm building and trudged up and down the six-story flight of stairs over half a dozen times. I was desperately in need of something to ground my senses, but my body remained overrun by panic. After a sleepless night, I texted my mom to tell her that I was at my breaking point. I needed help now. Luckily, I was able to get an appointment that afternoon with my primary care provider. It hasn't been a linear journey since then, but I finally felt heard. What I was going through wasn't just in my head, but it was bleeding into other parts of my life. My concerns were valid...
And yours are too.
Please take the time to check in with yourself and others. I have listed some local resources below if you are in need. Thank you so much for taking the time to read about just a small part of my life.
Hotlines provide access to trained call-takers 24/7. Hotline callers receive immediate assessments, referral to additional community resources, and if, needed, crisis intervention services. Travis County: 512-472-4357 (Integral Care)
Bastrop, Elgin, Georgetown, Giddings, Gonzales, Hutto, La Grange, Luling, Marble Falls, Round Rock, Schulenburg, Seguin, Taylor: 1-800-841-1255 (Bluebonnet Trail Community Services)
Hays County: 1-877-466-0660 (Hill Country MHDD Centers)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 Para llamadas en Espanol: 1-888-628-9454
National Crisis Text Line: Text NAMI to 741741
Psychiatric Emergency Services (PES) in Austin is a walk-in psychiatric emergency service clinic for Travis County staffed by licensed clinicians, psychiatrists, nurses, and qualified mental health professionals. PES provides psychiatric assessment, crisis intervention, linkage with resources, and physician services to children/youth and adults experiencing psychiatric distress. Location information.
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