As a child, I took an interest in playing soccer, and my parents signed me up for a recreational league. At first, I was overwhelmed by merely learning how to dribble the ball. Almost a quarter of my size, it felt clunky and unnatural trying to maneuver- let alone score a goal. After much practice, it soon came with more ease, and I was traveling across the floor of the gym and around the orange drill cones. It was a huge accomplishment to me at the time, yet much work needed to be done.
From there, the next obvious step was to work on scoring. At first, every shot I made filled me with joy (even if it was an own goal), but little by little that didn’t feel like enough anymore. I felt the need to aim from farther away. I then pushed the goalpost so far away that I lost sight of what really mattered.
I feel as though many things in my life have taken a similar trajectory. I would finish one task and sit still just long enough to enjoy the wave of accomplishment before taking on the next challenge. Quickly, studying for AP classes morphed into the need to graduate at the top of my class. From there, I needed to go to an amazing nursing school, and then I needed to work at a renowned hospital, and then I needed to go to graduate school. "And then" became my downfall.
These were expectations that I had forced upon myself to become this pristine image of what I had deemed to be "success". It was long overdue for me to reconsider what I knew success to look like.
For years, I’ve been moving the goalpost farther away to keep that same thrill from each success. The lofty goals kept coming, each prefaced with the phrase "I'll finally be happy when I accomplish...". I was relying on these achievements to define who I was as a person. I was using these goalposts to determine my worth to others. I was denying myself real happiness in order to stick to my rigid plans for success.
I have since learned that success doesn't live in my paycheck or résumé. It lives in the smile lines from years of laughter. It hides in the dirty pots and pans from a family dinner. It rests in the worn soles of shoes from miles of travel. Success often lives right along side us, but is overlooked with time.
Today, my values, actions, and intentions are what make me who I am- not my GPA, not my workplace, nor how many goals I’ve scored. I’m done with pressuring myself to get to the next “logical step” in life. It’s time to start living for the days in between the milestones and not just for the milestones themselves. Success is learning to slow down and choose my journeys with intent and care toward myself rather than squeezing into a mold to which my life does not fit.
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